Nursing.

Nursing..
Its not just something that pays the bills for me. For me it is a calling on top of the fact that I'm not a sympathy vomit-er, nor the fact that shit has very little effect on me. I remember back to when my brother passed away and my mother and sister said that the doctor and or nurse said "we did everything we could..." that really  struck a nerve with me. Like I want to do that I want to be there in the darkest hour I want to give it my all. I want to be that shoulder to lean on and cry on. I wanna find a solution to what seems like a difficult situation. My mother used to say that "what seems like something very difficult or even impossible to you, is not so big for me because i been there i came and went by the time you are there" meaning shes been there done that and gotten past it. Words and a wisdom I now understand. Before I would freak out trying to figure out a way to make ends meet. And now I don't worry about small things like bounced checks and the baby asking me for crabby crabby {hamburger she got it from sponge bob} or how I was going to make it to work. Thanks too some very well placed angles in my life we never went hungry and we were never cold or without a roof. I was able to go to school full time and raise a Baby. But now that i can repay my mother for all the support she gave me i feels so so so so good to be able to call her and say mom i put money in your account. Use if for what ever you need. Most of the things people admire about me and occasionally hate about me i owe to my mother. She made me a strong willed fearless, and ferocious mother I now am. I love my mother than any words can explain. I know I'm very fortunate to have a mother like her that gave up hours and and days and weekends and holidays so that I could have all I needed and even things I only wanted and could have done with out. I thank her for showing me the value of a dollar and showing me that even working very very hard you can only inch pennies so far. When my mother was young she wanted to be a nurse. Circumstances and a series of events led her to cut her cut her education short and and follow in her mothers foot steps in stead of making her own path. But she sacrificed and made choices so that I would be led down the same path. I was very very fortunate to have a mother like her not saying that there is no one like her! there are plenty of moms who instead of forgetting about there children and looking for a man to fill a void she knew what to do to pull and push us through obstacle after obstacle..  but no point in dwelling on what could have been my life I have no regrets, I have no anger feelings like I was robbed, I only feel love and that love I feel for my mom I direct towards the patients whose lives I touch every single day. I love you Sanjuana. Thank you for all the days you worked from 5 am till 12 am, thank you for figuring it all out when my father was not there. thank you for your patients in dealing with me. some times i couldn't stand me. thank you for always making me see the positive, thank you for showing me that its OK to enjoy your self from time to time. thank you for the all the little thing moms never get thanks for, wiping my butt as a baby, feeding me tons of times a day, making me dresses, wiping boogers, and kissing boo boos, never spanking or yelling, guiding me through dark times, thank you i owe you everything and more. and i am a successful nurse due to the wisdom you gave me. i am but an extension of you...